You need to be YOUR biggest fan.

If you don’t back yourself, who will?

Now, I get it—you might be rolling your eyes, thinking you’ve stumbled into another self-help spiel. But rest assured, this isn’t just another echo in the chamber of feel-good platitudes.

Picture this: Imagine dedicating over 30+ hours in a week outside of a demanding 9-5 job to shoot, film, edit, and record—all for a video that might get just 30 views on IG or TikTok. Hell, you might even lose followers. I can imagine that because that train wreck is a recount of my life, many times over.

Now, it’s tempting to wonder if I just make really shit content. So if you’re still here reading this, I salute you because either the content so far ain’t half bad or you’re determined to finish what you started regardless of the crap.

But here’s where we pivot from the typical script—this isn’t about blindly cheering yourself on; it’s about extending to yourself the kind of understanding and respect you’d offer a good friend. It’s about recognizing that being your own fan doesn’t mean inflating your ego or ignoring your flaws. Instead, it’s about supporting yourself through the highs and the very real lows, understanding that each step—no matter how small—is part of a larger journey of growth and resilience.

So, do you back yourself? like, really back yourself?

The Very Real Lows—The Valley of Despair

Above is the raw truth of my content creation journey—countless hours poured into projects that often seemed to vanish into the digital void. It’s at this low point, the Valley of Despair, where many of us say ‘f*ck it, I quit’ and the doubts flood in:

“I’m not good enough.”
“I’ll never make it.”
“I’m terrible at content creation.”
“This is a stupid idea.”

This isn’t just feeling down; it’s a phase in emotional change cycles. Recognizing this valley is key—it tests potential and builds resilience. Knowing it’s a necessary journey step, not an end, enables us to push on. It’s about using self-compassion and realism to fuel our efforts, acknowledging each small step in the wider scope of personal growth and persistence.

I’ve trekked that shit show many a time and persevered through the challenges of content creation. For years, I drifted through life, knowing only that I wanted to make music. Despite having no tangible results to show for it, I supported myself wholeheartedly, becoming my own biggest fan. I might paint this as some grand determination, but in truth, I was clueless about setting any other goal. Making music simply became ‘the thing’.

When Fear Defeats You

The Valley of Despair, it sucks, no other way to slice it! It’s the place you find yourself after taking a big leap—the kind you only make by taking the first step. It’s where you see if you’ve got what it takes. But what about when you can’t even convince yourself to take the first step? What’s holding us back? Think about your own big-time fears—maybe it’s skydiving, swimming with sharks, fear of heights, being trapped in an elevator, or getting up on a stage. It’s not just the thing itself that’s scary, it’s the whole idea of it, right?

Before we can even face the Valley of Despair, we must confront the invisible barriers that fear props up in our minds. These fears, often irrational yet overwhelmingly powerful, can prevent us from taking even the smallest step forward.

Embracing the Discomfort

Fear, particularly the fear of failure, can be debilitating. It’s that stomach-churning anticipation of public embarrassment or serious f*ck up that stops us in our tracks. This isn’t irrational—it’s our brain’s way of trying to protect us from potential harm, a function that’s been crucial for our survival. However, in modern contexts, this often misfires, holding us back from potential achievements and personal growth.

The fear of forgetting words during a speech and the ass I would make of myself used to convince me that I hated public speaking. What this really signified was a fear of public judgment and not the act of speaking itself. Understanding this was crucial—it wasn’t the speech but the fear of negative reception that was the real enemy.

Neuroscience Behind Fear

Our brains are wired to react more intensely to negative stimuli. In a hypothetical scenario where failure is possible, our brain activates circuits associated with negative emotions, causing us to feel as if we’ve already failed. Conversely, imagining success doesn’t stimulate the pleasure centers in the same way. This asymmetry means we are neurologically predisposed to focus on potential downsides.

Understanding this can turn fear into a tool. By systematically exposing ourselves to our fears in controlled, manageable increments, we can rewire our reactions. For example, starting with speaking in front of a small, friendly audience can gradually diminish the fear of a larger, unknown crowd. This method isn’t just about confrontation but about constructing a new perspective where fear informs rather than controls us.

The Innate Human Drive to Create and Overcome

Our instinct to create is as fundamental as our need for food or shelter. This drive transcends mere survival; it’s woven into the fabric of our being, pushing us toward innovation, artistry, and expression. If we consider Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, creation appears implicitly at every level, morphing into self-actualization at the pinnacle—where we not only survive but thrive by realizing our full potential.

Creation is not just about producing something new; it’s about asserting our existence and making our mark on the world. It’s deeply tied to our identity and sense of purpose. Every poem, every building, every business venture stands as a testament to human creativity. Yet, this drive often brings us face-to-face with our deepest fears: the fear of failure and the fear of judgment.

Why, if we are so driven to create, does failure hurt so profoundly? It’s because our creations are extensions of ourselves. When they are rejected, ignored, or criticized, it can feel like a personal rejection. However, understanding this emotional connection to our creations can transform our approach to failure. Instead of seeing it as a setback, we can view it as an integral part of the creative process—a stepping stone to mastery.

Our need to create pushes us to take risks, to step into the unknown. Yet, simultaneously, our aversion to failure pulls us back toward safety.

Understanding the Spectrum of Optimism

Identifying your type of optimism is the first step towards leveraging your natural tendencies to foster true self-love and resilience.

Let’s examine where you might stand and the implications of each type:

Rational Optimists are individuals who see the world clearly yet choose to focus on potential positive outcomes. They are the calculated risk-takers who balance hope with reality.
Irrational Optimists are often brimming with enthusiasm about their grand plans. However, they tend to talk more about their ambitions than taking actionable steps towards achieving them.
Rational Cynics approach life with caution, often needing exhaustive evidence before taking action. Their skepticism, while protective, can sometimes hinder growth by avoiding risks that could lead to significant rewards.
Irrational Pessimists expect the worst, allowing fear to overshadow potential opportunities. This outlook can lead to stagnation and missed chances for improvement.

For those who find themselves as Rational Cynics or Irrational Pessimists, it’s important to occasionally loosen the reins. Not all ideas that deviate from the norm are detrimental, and not every venture requires a meticulous plan before taking the first step. Embracing calculated risks can be a profound way to build character and resilience, proving to yourself that you can manage and grow from whatever outcome occurs.

As for the Irrational Optimists, their challenge lies in moving beyond just talking about their ideas. It’s crucial to channel some of that boundless energy into focused actions.

The Ideal: Becoming a Rational Optimist

The goal for many is to become a Rational Optimist, combining a positive outlook with a realistic assessment of the world. This type excels in setting achievable goals, assessing the world through a positive lens, and working towards their aspirations without undue reliance on external validation.

The Therapeutic Power of Discussing Emotions

Discussing emotions plays a pivotal role in managing our internal states and achieving our goals. For the Irrational Optimist, the act of constantly talking about every exciting plan can ironically lead to a dissipation of the drive required to actualize these plans. This phenomenon mirrors the way venting negative emotions can diminish their intensity, a therapeutic technique used in managing trauma.

When positive plans and ideas are discussed excessively without action, they lose their motivational charge. Just as trauma needs to be ventilated to alleviate its impact, positive intentions need to be guarded and nurtured through careful disclosure and focused action. Discussing potential ventures should be strategic, ensuring that it serves to refine ideas and gather constructive feedback rather than simply dissipating energy. As Ryan Holiday puts it, “Talking about the thing and doing the thing vie for the same resources.” We should be mindful of our resources spent on discussing versus pursuing our goals.

In contrast, not discussing or acknowledging negative emotions can lead to them festering and growing internally. This can create an internal pressure that worsens over time. Therefore, balancing how and when to express different emotions is key to not only maintaining mental health but also to driving personal progress.

Actualize Your Optimism

To bring all these insights into a practical framework, here are steps to channel the understanding of optimism and emotional expression into tangible actions:

Use Affirmations Wisely

Affirmations, when used correctly, can reinforce our self-belief and align our subconscious with our conscious goals. Regularly repeating affirmations helps maintain focus on our objectives without the energy leakage that can occur with external discussions. Here are a few affirmations to incorporate into your routine:

“I am capable and ready to embrace challenges.”
“Every step I take builds my confidence and self-reliance.”
“I possess the skills and determination to achieve my dreams.”

Embrace Daily Creative Practices

Creativity isn’t confined to artistic pursuits; it’s a vital approach to everyday problem-solving and personal expression. Engage in daily practices that challenge your creativity, whether it’s writing, sketching, designing, or simply finding new ways to approach routine tasks. These activities keep your mind engaged and your creative spirit active, building a foundation where self-support thrives.

Structure Your Deep Work

Dedicate regular time blocks for deep work—periods of high concentration focused on your most important tasks. This practice not only enhances the quality of your output but also significantly boosts your sense of personal achievement and fulfillment.

Confront Resistance with Routine

Resistance, especially to creative work, often stems from fear and self-doubt. By establishing a consistent routine that includes designated times for focused work and reflection, you can build resilience and reduce the power of internal resistance. This regularity in tackling challenging tasks reinforces your ability to manage and overcome obstacles.

Cultivate a Learning and Growth Mindset

Embrace a mindset that views challenges as opportunities for growth. This perspective encourages you to extend beyond your current limits and embrace learning as a continuous part of life. Remember, every expert was once a beginner, and embracing this fact can dramatically ease the pressure of personal and professional development.

Reflect and Adjust

Make it a habit to regularly assess your progress. Reflecting on what you’ve accomplished and what setbacks you’ve encountered allows you to celebrate your successes and learn from your mistakes. This ongoing cycle of action, evaluation, and adjustment is essential for sustained growth and supports a robust self-backing mindset.

By integrating these steps into your daily life, you equip yourself with the tools needed to not just participate in your life but to actively shape its course. As you move forward, let these lessons reinforce your belief in yourself, confirming that you truly are your most significant supporter.

Embrace this journey with the understanding that true self-backing involves advocating for yourself with compassion, strategic planning, and a relentless drive towards self-actualization. Remember, the principles discussed here are not just theoretical; they are practical tools designed to transform your life by empowering you to believe in and back yourself more fully.

Continue to nurture your inner champion, cause if you don’t back yourself, who will?